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[翻译] Ender 季叽馥疾己 NPC Chrim [校对] se9fault fuga
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服务员 给我的同伴倒杯酒 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague.
我认识你么 Do I know you?
如果在观看中遇到任何错误翻译 诚邀您前往GitHub参与改错 该项目的地址是
我知道坐火车出行的唯一原因 I know the only reason to travel by train
就是便于带武器 is to travel with weapons.
而我们都知道 这旅途的尽头 And we all know that at the end of this line,
https://github.com/fjn308/rm-chs-amzn 非常 非常 非常 期待您的参与
只有一种生物值得被杀死 there's only one creature worth killing.
那个穿白大褂的人 The man in the white coat.
不如轮流交流些故事 May as well take turns exchanging stories.
我的是在Ramamama星球开始的 Mine begins on planet Ramamama.
把他降进酸水里 Lower him into acid.
等他溶化了 再把别人降进酸水里 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid.
他溶化了吗 Is he dissolved?
至少要利用停机时间重置降酸器吧 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer.
我真不喜欢你们的态度 I really don't like the attitude around here.
一种很“降我入酸”的态度 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude.
你是谁 Who are you?
你是怎么进到我的圣殿的 How did you reach my sanctum?
好吧 问也是白问 All right, this is going in circles.
抓住他 Seize him!
很好 Very well.
现在我来和你打 Now I will fight you.
总之 他讲的故事是另一个版本 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story,
我在此处开始哭什么的 where I start crying or something.
所以他必须得死 That's why he has to die,
因为他是个骗子 'cause he's a liar.
所以 So...
你为什么要杀了Rick Sanchez Why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez?
好吧 我不知道那是谁 Okay, I don't know who that is.
我接受不了你这怪异的逻辑跳跃 让火车上的所有人都要去杀同一个人 I don't accept your weird leap in logic that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy.
就算我也要杀 我们又为何轮流讲出来呢 跟小女孩儿们通宵讲故事似的 And even if I did, why would we take turns telling stories about it like little girls at a sleepover?
如果你想伤人的话 If you're trying to be hurtful,
你做得很好 you're doing a good job.
我来接着说吧 I'll take his turn.
说说我为什么要杀了Rick Sanchez Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez.
你们几个慢慢聊 You guys have fun with this.
一个溶化成蛤蜊状的太阳 Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun
在广袤的沙滩上升起 rising over a giant beach.
等到那时 他给我们孢子巢里的每一个人都留下了玩具和血肉 By then, of course, he had left toys and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive.
啊 来新人了 Ah, a newcomer!
你是不是有个更好的 I suppose you think you have a better story
Rick Sanchez拯救太空圣诞节的故事呢 about how Rick Sanchez saved space Christmas.
怎么会对Rick Sanchez如此痴迷 What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession?
我想对此最好的答案 I think the best way to answer that
是我的圣诞Rick故事 is with my Christmas Rick tale.
今晚本可以用鲁道夫的 Could've used Rudolph tonight!
噢 谢天谢地 我还不算太晚 Oh, thank god. I'm not too late.
不知道该怎么谢你 Goomby I don't know how to thank you, Goomby.
没事 No need.
你只要进屋去好好玩就好了 You just go in there and have a nice time.
会的 谢啦 I will. Thanks.
圣诞快乐 Goomby Merry Christmas, Goomby.
圣诞快乐 Rick Merry Christmas, Rick.
噢 没关系 Oh, it's okay.
我不是非得 对不起 我不应该 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was --
不 我可以问下 No. Um, um, I can ask.
不不不 我不想成为一个负担 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden.
哦 好吧 是啊 是因为 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just --
人挺多的 家人 你知道吗 There's a lot of people. Family. You know?
我都懂 I get it.
- 你不生气 - 完全没问题 -You're not mad? -Totally fine.
拜拜 Bye.
这 好吧 不关我的事 That -- okay, none of my business,
但他在这个故事里并没有拯救圣诞节啊 but he didn't even save Christmas in that story.
噢 你竟敢 Oh, how dare you!
这并不意味着我对这些故事感兴趣 That doesn't mean I'm invested.
说出你的圣诞Rick故事 Tell your Christmas Rick story!
退后 后退 Step the hell back! Back!
你要是想讲关于Rick Sanchez的故事 You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette,
先吃我两颗子弹再说 and you'll be doing it through two holes.
我只是想弄清楚这列火车是怎么回事 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train.
你对怎么上的车有印象吗 Do you remember getting on it?
没有 我能想起最早的事是 No. First thing I remember is...
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那 你为什么要和Rick Sanchez约会 So, why did you date Rick Sanchez?
什么 What?
哦 你不必假装没跟他约会过 Oh, you don't have to pretend you didn't date him.
我们都跟他约会过 我们懂的 We all did. We get it.
生命中的低谷 想忘掉前任 等等 Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera.
没有 真没 那是谁 No, really, who?
噢 可说呢 oh, exactly.
事实上 听着 当他见到我的家人时 In fact, and get this, when he met my family...
Leah Leah 过来看呀 Leah! Leah, check it out.
你在哪里认识的这个 Where'd you meet this, um...
调皮鬼 ...Sprite?
他实际上是个人类 He's actually a human.
但他发明了传送技术 But he invented portal tech?
我就是时间的概念 I am the concept of time.
天啊 Jesus!
我警告过你不要讲 I warned you not to do that.
- 我不是故意的 - 你都不需要故意 -I wasn't trying. -You don't have to.
这列火车明显在强化并且关联起不相关的叙事段落 The train is obviously amplifying and linking unrelated narrative fields.
Morty 我告诉过你 如果你再找到我 Morty? I told you if you found me again,
要亮明身份 identify yourself.
我不知道是你 I didn't know it was you.
你怎么会认不出我呢 How did you not recognize me?
这套伪装不是你造的吗 Didn't you create the disguises?
我造出的东西当然要管用 Morty When I create shit, it works, Morty.
这就是有才华 It's called being talented.
为什么我们找不到发动机 Why can't we find the engine?
这不是真正的火车 而是一个故事机器 It's not a real train, it's a story device.
就是字面的意思 字面意义下的文字机器 Literally. A literal literary device
我们简直逐字逐句比喻般地身处其中 quite literally metaphorically containing us.
是套模拟 A simulation.
更糟 是本选集 Worse. An anthology.
好吧 那我们怎么劫持它 Okay, so how -- how do we hijack it?
噢 Morty 它已经被劫持至少有两分钟了 Oh, Morty, it's been hijacked for at least two full minutes.
你没听到这些错乱的对话吗 Are you not hearing this insane conversation?
好吧 请出示票据男 停下这个选集 Okay, tickets please guy, stop the anthology.
如果要做特辑的话 我们会做跨维度有线电视的 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable,
而不是这种拘谨的 过度描绘的 Not some uptight, overwritten --
- Rick - 该死的 Rick? God damn!
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老兄 我觉得你应该 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like,
已经有很多很多票了吧 so many tickets at this point.
我的天啊 请出示票据男也太壮了 Jesus! The tickets please guy is cut!
他的那个 He -- he -- he's -- he's got those things.
怎么说的来着 人鱼线就像精槽一样 W-what do you call them. Uhm, cum gutters.
- Morty 好恶心 - 大家都这么讲 -Morty, gross! -That's what people call them.
恶心的人才这么讲 我不想去想象 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture
搞出那么湿那么多的 cum so watery in such volumes that --
喂喂喂 退后 Hey, hey, hey, stay back.
我会踢你 我会踢你的小腿 兄弟 I'll kick you. I-I'll kick your shin, bro.
我要把你这个收票的王八蛋煮了吃了 I'll fuckin' cook and eat your ticket-taking ass.
嘿 我找到一张票 - hey, I found a ticket.
哇 你真是 女士们先生们 Wow, you are just -- ladies and gentlemen,
请看这位的人肉盾牌技能 像成龙一样溜 the jackie chan of human shielding.
谁会花时间练习这种 Who takes the time to get this good at --
老子不管了 Fuck this.
- 啊 - 结构受损 -Aaah -Structural breach.
连续性即将丧失 Losing continuity.
Morty 抓住点什么 Morty, hold on to something.
保持头在车里 Keep your head inside.
和你姐姐分享 Josh Share with your sister, Josh.
因为今天是你的生日 并不意味着 Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean
你今天可以做个混蛋 you can be an asshole.
- 你没事吧 爸 - 这是真的吗 -You okay, dad? -Is this real?
估计不是 但在游乐场吃晚饭 I doubt it, but you get what you get
就只能吃到这些了 when you eat dinner in an arcade.
我是说你是真的吗 生活是真的吗 I mean are you real, is life real?
好吧 我给护士打电话 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not
- 你今晚可不能整这出 - 你说的太他妈对了 doing this tonight. You're god damn right.
- 我不能 因为 - 你今晚绝对不能来这出 I'm not because -- you are not doing this tonight!
这不是真实生活 This isn't real life!
- 爸 哦 我的天 - 亲爱的 亲爱的 - Dad? Oh, my god! - Honey. Sweetie.
- 发生了什么 - 把你的票给我 -What's happening? -Give me your tickets.
我需要票 I -- I need tickets.
每个人都得给我票 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts!
紧急连续性部署完毕 Emergency continuity deployed.
- 这个估计用得上 - 为什么不能去车外 -This could come in handy. -Can't we just ride out the --
去你大爷的 那我还不如去死 Fuck you, I'd rather die.
乘警 举起手来 train cops! Hands in the air!
讲一个Rick Sanchez的故事 Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez!
他就是Rick！ He is Rick!
我的神啊 这不是请出示票据男么 Jesus christ! Is that the tickets please guy?
呃 只剩票根了 Well, just the stub.
人才死 放尊重点 Too soon! Too soon!
不许动 放尊重点 Don't move! Too soon!
CONTINUITY：连续性
所以 这两名乘警有哪些错误 So, what did the train cops do wrong?
向人 射击 Shot...People?
- 向乘客射击 - 错 -Shot passengers. -Wrong.
这两名乘客搞乱了选集的结构 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure.
对此我们可以使用致命武器 Lethal response was permitted,
CONTINUITY：连续性
但他正捧着那个罐子 不能开枪 but not with him holding that tank.
现在我们看看正确示范 Let's take a look at what they should have done.
乘警 举起手来 Train cops! Hands in the air!
放下罐子 放下 Drop the tank! Drop it!
快把罐子放下 Drop it! Drop the tank.
长官 不是我想挑刺 Sorry to nitpick, sir,
如果连续性崩坏真的发生过 那不就意味着 它一直都是崩坏着的吗 but if there was a continuity explosion, isn't there always one?
那是不是也意味着这两个人会出现在任何场景 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere?
啥 屁 你个缺货 这 这 What? No, you idiot, that -- it's --
这就是个教学视频 不是真实场景 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen.
是你觉得没发生而已 That's what you think.
喂 你们怎么出现的？ Hey. How'd you get here?
说的好像我们才是凭空冒出来的一样 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere?
你们真他妈欠揍 Fuck these guys.
怎么搞的 你腿伤居然好了 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed.
这就是货真价实的 人人为己的混战 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all.
找到了 Here we go.
这破玩意果然就他妈是个圆圈而已 Of course this thing is just a fucking circle.
还以为有多他么复杂呢 You'd think it was so god damn complicated --
行 无厘头的故事碎片都在这 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were.
天啊 要是整集都是那些玩意儿 也太可怕了 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing.
现在我们在这儿 那引擎就应该是在这儿 So now we're here, and the engine must be here.
那我就得搞来两套太空服 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits
让它们从这一格开始失效 that start failing around here,
这样就能通过付出一些惨痛代价 so we can pay a heavy price
来从这个缝隙重新进入列车内部 for re-entering at this threshold.
我们得离开车厢么 We have to leave the train?
没有什么是必须得做的 Morty We don't have to do anything, Morty.
这就是个故事大纲 This is just a structural guide.
我们肯定会加入一些自己的特色 We're obviously gonna impart our own style.
meta：通常译作“元”，指更高视角下的事物本身，比如这里身处故事中的Rick和Morty在给自己编故事。 meta一词的确切含义有些微妙，限于译者的表达和理解能力，保留不译，请有兴趣的观众们自行查找解释。
我感觉我们有点太meta了 Rick I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick.
闭嘴 Morty 你才14 Shut up, Morty. You're 14.
你看的视频都是油管上的人 You watch videos of people on youtube
看油管上的视频时的反应 reacting to fucking youtube.
要由我来判断是不是meta得过头了 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta.
我操 Holy shit.
他居然还能喘气儿 How is he still breathing?
他卡在了对故事世界的怀疑之中 He's suspended in disbelief,
一边慢慢死去 slowly dying while
一边仍然活在外部世界 living out an alternative non-diagetic reality.
天呐 好痛苦的死法 Geez, what a horrible way to die.
你对这有“半”点儿概念么 You don't know the half of it.
你说这些半身男的梗简直是驾轻就熟啊 Rick You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.
刚刚的梗是有机的呢 That one was organic, though.
那是因为你的幽默纯天然 That's because you're naturally funny.
就 就是那种很老派的笑梗 你懂吧 That -- that's good old-fashioned fun right there, you know?
我们不需要瞎逼多想 好吧 W-w-we don't need to over-think shit, okay?
可以的 小子 清晰理智 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded,
从现在开始 全面沉浸式故事 fully immersive from here on out.
- 还是在这之后开始吧 - 怎么回事 - Right after this. - W-what's happening?
要进幕间了 Going into an act break.
*既不像人* * not quite a bird *
*也不像鸟* * not quite a person *
*也许大概可能* * maybe what matters *
*爱自己才是第一要务* * is to love yourself first and *
*起飞* * soar *
*天空与陆地之子* * child of air and land *
*拥有双翅和双手* * with wings and hands *
*没错 你是鸟也是人* * yes, you're a bird and a person *
*我是鸟也是人* * I'm a bird and a person *
*也是更多* * and more *
没错 是个很棒的桥段 Sure, that was a great moment,
但要把 Rick and Morty 做成音乐剧的话 做这段儿不够理想 but it was hardly the best time Rick and Morty were musical.
怎么能忘 Who can forget the t--
喂 你们不觉这趟列车有什么异样么 Hey. You guys think there's something weird about this train?
我们坐了这么久 We've been here a really long time
却没人来检票 And nobody's taken our tickets.
全银河系的顶尖科学家们仍在研究 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder
这个被孩子们称为“悬浮血人”的恐怖形象 the horrific figure known to children as floaty blood man.
但如今三个月过去了 谁也没能接近真相 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth.
这里是《矫情新闻》 我是食饵大叔 For cutesy name news, I'm uncle nibbles.
真不敢相信悬浮血人是真实存在的 I can't believe floaty bloody man is real.
他不仅真实存在 他还就是我的新神 瞧 He's more than real, he's my new god. Check it.
- 这是新纹身在渗血么 还是这血迹那么 - 百分百还原 - 没错 Is that brand-new? Or is the blood just -- Accurately depicted, yeah.
他的信众认为整个宇宙 His followers believe the entire universe
就是悬浮血人死在一个时间无限膨胀的世界里时的噩梦 is floaty bloody man's nightmare as he dies in a time-dilated reality.
那我们可以随时来一发咯 So we could go at any minute.
不行 我现在是悬浮无高潮兄弟会的一员了 No. I'm part of the floaty nogasm brotherhood.
我们相信要想为他续命 We believe we're keeping him alive
就得换种方式宣泄压抑的性欲 by redirecting our suppressed sexual energies.
你守身如玉 You're staying a virgin
就是为了确保宇宙的存在么 just to keep the universe existing?
太有 吸引力了 That's... so attractive.
真的吗 It is?
好吧 那就宽限你一发 Okay, look, let's just do it once.
抱歉 Sorry.
- 满意了吗 - 他很煎熬啊 -Happy now? -He was suffering.
继续前进 Keep moving.
我们得尽快赶到那个返回缝隙 We have to get to the return threshold
你太空服上的秒表还在倒计时呢 before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero.
你为什么要装个秒表 Why would you put ticking clock --
因为如果到达那里过于简单 Because if it's too easy to get there,
我们就永远到不了 we'll never get there.
如果不想meta 就少瞎逼解构故事 If you don't want to be meta, stop deconstructing shit.
这是主旨封印 That's the thematic seal.
得想个办法破除 Gotta find a way to disrupt it.
行吧 Morty 讲一个和咱俩无关的故事 Okay, Morty, tell a story unrelated to us.
- 呃 那个 - 别想了 赶紧讲 -Uh, what do -- -Stop thinking and do it!
呃 好吧 从前 Uh, okay, uh, there was this --
我叫Mike Johnson 这咖啡真好喝 My name is mike johnson. That's good coffee.
我去应下门 Better get that door.
啊 你好 Iiiiiiii, hello.
我想吃你的曲奇 I want your cookies.
我饿了 我想吃你的曲奇 I'm hungry, I want your cookies.
蝎子 有蝎子 Scorpions, scorpions.
外边有蝎子来袭 快进屋 There's scorpions outside. Get inside.
它们找我们做什么 What do they want from us?
- 他们想要食物 - 我也想 -They want food. -Me too.
行了 别讲了 Okay, just stop.
我又不是作家 好吧 I'm not a writer, okay?
别紧张 你的故事就是要又烂又蠢才好呢 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid.
我就是没有料到你能这么契合主题 I just failed to predict how well that would mesh with the theme.
想 好好想 Think. Think.
什么故事是我们绝不 What kind of story would we never --
Morty 你知道贝克德尔测验么 Morty, do you know what the Bechdel test is?
- 什么测验 - 天啊 Morty -The what? For god's sake, Morty.
一个计算故事中女性赋权的小公式 The formula for measuring female agency in a story
由姬佬漫画家艾莉森提出 proposed by lesbian cartoonist Allison --
你在学校里学的都是些什么破玩意 What the hell are they teaching you in that school?!
- 你超纲了 - 那你把我们两个都害死了 - Other stuff! -Then you've killed us both!
为什么姬佬是她职称的一部分 Why is lesbian part of her job title?!
这会儿你倒成进步青年了 Oh, now you're progressive?!
- 到底怎么测试 - 你得讲一个 What is the test?! You have to tell --
Morty Morty Morty, Morty.
两个女性角色 有名有姓的 Two women. They both have to have names
互相在讨论一些 and talk to each other about something...
Rick Rick!
- 跟男人无关的事 - 啊 Rick 听我讲 ...Other than a man... Oh, Rick, listen to me.
很久以前 我妈 和我姐 Once upon a time, my mom, and my sister...
听我讲啊 Listen to me!
妈 我可以尝尝你的茶吗 Mom, can I try your tea?
好的 Summer Yes, summer.
好的 尝尝我的茶吧 Yes. Try my tea.
太棒了 太暖了 It's so good. It's so warm.
妈 我能跟你聊聊 Mom, can I talk to you
我的特殊时期吗 about my special time?
当然可以 我也有 It's okay. I have one, too.
我的今天很多 Mine is heavy today.
我的从来不少 Mine is never light.
我一直以来都很爱你 从你 I love you ever since you were...
被寄给我以来 Mailed to me.
一个女医生寄给我的 By a doctor woman.
你的特殊时期是你的能量 Your special time is your power.
它使你像胸一样强壮 It makes you strong like a boob.
强壮 是为了对抗什么 Strong against what?
蝎子 母蝎子 Scorpions. Female scorpions.
它们正在外面攻击 快来 They're attacking outside. Come on.
用你很多的特殊时期与它们战斗吧 Fight them with your heavy special time.
你也要这么做 You do it, too.
- 你好 - 你好 Hello? Hello?
我就是那个最高法院女法官 你们做到了 I'm that supreme court lady, and you fucking did it.
- 我们做到了 - 我们做到了 We did it! We did it!
干的漂亮 Morty Great job, Morty.
女权主义的杰作 A feminist masterpiece.
嘿 瞧 Hey, look.
猜猜谁有两根阴茎和满格的赋权 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency?
Rick 和 Morty Rick and Morty.
故事之主 Story lord.
我早该知道你是幕后黑手 我确实知道 I should've known you were behind this, and I did.
- 这是谁 - 呕 Who is this guy? Ugh.
他就像矩阵空间的Frasier He's like a matrix space frasier.
让我们快点结束这场战斗吧 呆子 我有一堆破事要做 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. I've got shit to do.
你比所有人都清楚 Rick You of all people know, Rick,
没有旅行就没有终点 There can be no destination without a journey.
这我可一点都不清楚 我经常走传送 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport.
哦当然 你不受规则限制 Oh, of course. No rules for you.
在多元宇宙中盘旋 Spiraling through the multiverse,
打嗝式的半即兴对话 说着世间万物都不重要 burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters,
我们还不如掏出我们的鸡巴然后在命运的闪亮牙齿间摩擦 so we may as well pull out our dicks and rub them
就像为命运刷牙一样 on fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth.
只不过用的是你恶心的脏鸡巴 But we're using your gross, dirty dick.
肯定很棒 Must be nice.
可没人拦着你 Nobody's stopping you.
对 再也没有人能阻止我了 True. Not anymore.
- 该死的 - 我们做过这件事了 Goddamn! We already did this.
哦 这个重复了吗 算了 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well.
我就是这么任性 老哥 Just how I adventure, dawg.
这比那个请出示票据男 This is more impressive than
更厉害了 the tickets please guy, though.
你整个人百分之九十都是精沟 You are like 90% cum gutter.
这叫自律 瞧好了 It's called discipline. Watch this.
- 天哪 - 我去 God damn. Geez!
我们一定要跟他打吗 Do we have to fight him?
我不想打 I don't want to.
投降了 我们不打 We surrender. We're not fighting.
妈的揍你 Fucking kick your ass.
喂 回你的孵化舱里去 hey! Get back in your egg!
- 什么 - 别担心 Morty -What the -- -don't worry, Morty!
外面的都是非官方盖章的内容 Nothing out there is canon!
有脉搏了 听我说 士兵 We've got a pulse. Stay with me, private.
Smith 听我说 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed
你接触了一种能改变思想的化学物质 to a chemical that is altering your mind.
要想打败它 你必须挺住 To beat it, you have to hold on --
他快不行了 We're losing him.
外星人 长官 Aliens. Sarge?!
Morty 永远不要忘记最高的真理 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all --
你正在火车上挨揍 You're getting your ass kicked on a train.
Sanchez教授 Professor Sanchez?
成功了吗 Did it work?
我不会那么说的 Marcus I wouldn't say that, Marcus.
我会说 太他妈成功了 I'd say it fucking worked.
百分百的时间膨胀 全沉浸式 100% time dilation and total immersion.
- 定义下“全” - Marcus Define "total." Marcus,
我已经回到现实三个小时了 I've been back in reality for three hours,
然而我依然有完整的另一个人生的记忆 and I still have memories of a completely different life.
我 我是一个科学家 I-I-I was a scientist still.
我 我曾经 我曾经发明 I-I-I was -- I-I-I had developed
跨维度旅行 我还有个女儿 inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter.
我没胡子 I-I didn't have a mustache.
有时候我挺风趣 大部分时候在打嗝 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, mostly burping.
不需要秘密测试了 No more secret testing.
我现在可以帮助别人了 I can help people now.
你已经帮助别人了 You've helped people.
我更多是伤害别人 I've hurt more.
Sanchez教授 我是Morty Smith P-p-professor Sanchez. I-I'm Morty Smith
来自241团 from the -- the -- the the 241st.
- 他们把你的药品放在我们的食物里 它 它起作用了 - 快报警 They -- they -- put your pill in our food. It -- it works. Call the police!
没关系 没关系 这不是真的 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real.
没 没 没有任何事是真的 N-n-n-n-nothing's real.
我很抱歉 孩子 I'm sorry, son.
没 没 没关系 你不是真的 I-I-it's okay. You aren't real.
天 你是对的 我应该多多自由发挥的 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff.
- 走你 - 发生了什么 In you go. What's happening?
我把你带到这的理由 是要用你无限的潜能 The reason I brought you here. I'll now fuel my anthology with your
充满我的选集 把它推向最后一站 冲破第五面墙 limitless potential, propelling it to its final stop -- beyond the fifth wall.
你个蠢货 我们的潜能不是无限的 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless.
你就算把我们耗尽 You'll never break the fifth wall
也永远无法打破第五面墙 before you've burnt us out.
是这样吗 行吧 双赢 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win.
Rick 他要做什么 Rick, w-what's he doing?
他想接入我们的思维 Morty He's trying to tap into us, Morty.
扛住 Resist.
真不敢相信你终于要去上大学了 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college.
是啊 你也知道 确实有种 你永远停留在17岁的错觉 Yeah, you know, it really felt like you were gonna be 17 forever.
停了 差不多 至少16年 For, like, 16 years, at least.
真不敢相信我会为这件事流泪 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this.
老天 Rick 你知道吗 你真的柔和了很多 Jesus, Rick, you know, you've really softened up.
这是人之常情 Morty It's a human moment, Morty.
人之常情 It's a human moment.
啊 疼 Aaah! Aaah! It hurts!
阿道夫·林肯勒 我以为你死了 Abradolph lincoler? I thought you were dead.
我活着 并且我需要你的帮忙 I'm very much alive, and I need your help.
耶 Yeah!
草 他拿走了好东西 Morty Shit he's taking the good stuff, Morty.
等等 这些是有官方盖章的吗 Wait, is -- is any of this canon?
本来能有的 It could have been.
哦 天 oh, dear.
竟然还有Rick Sanchez珍视的东西吗 Are there things Rick Sanchez holds sacred after all?
你是怎么找到我们的 How did you find us?
我曾信任你 I trusted you!
别因为你自己的错误决定怪罪别人 Don't blame others for your bad decisions.
扛住 Morty 在他耗尽我们之前扛住 Resist, Morty! Resist before he burns us out!
哦 太迟了 Oh, too late now!
怎么了 Rick What's wrong, Rick?
你不想看看你的故事是什么结局吗 Don't you want to see how your story ends?!
我操 Rick 我们怎么 Holy shit, Rick. What do we --
没没 没路可逃了 There -- there -- there's now way out!
你说对了 Morty You're right, Morty.
有时候真的是无路可走 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out.
毫无希望的样子 Like it's hopeless.
但是记住 总有人为我们守候 But remember, there's always someone there for us.
谁 Who?
我最好的朋友以及私人救星 My best friend and personal savior,
耶稣 Jesus christ.
什么鬼 你都不信上帝的 What?! You -- you don't believe in god.
但他相信我们 But he believes in us, Morty.
你懂吗 我以为我是造物主 You know, I thought I was the inventor,
但是最伟大的创造 是永恒生命的馈赠 but the greatest invention of all is the free gift of eternal life.
什么 你在他妈搞我吧 Is this -- are you fucking with me?
噢 相信我 Morty oh, trust me, Morty.
我这一生搞砸了很多事情 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life.
但接纳耶稣从来不会晚 But it's never too late to accept Christ.
耶稣永远在敲门 Jesus is always knocking at the door.
我们只需要敞开那扇门 All we have to do is open it and let him
- 将他迎接到我们心里 - 怎么做呢 into our hearts. How?
你问得真好 Morty I'm so glad you asked, Morty.
就闭上眼睛 向他祈祷 Just close your eyes and go to him in prayer.
像这样 Like this.
- 天父 - 天父 Heavenly father. Heavenly father.
感谢赐予我们你的独生子 Thank you for sending your only begotten son.
等一下 你们这是在干什么 What a second, no! What are you doing?!
耶稣 我向你敞开心扉 Jesus, I accept you into my heart.
不 这太差劲了 No! This sucks.
停下来啊 你们绝对不会这么干的 Stop! You guys would never do this.
用你的精神把我填满 Fill me with your spirit.
让我成为你闪光的山上的城 Make me a shining city on a hill for you.
- 别 别 - 让我重生 -No! No! -Make me born again.
- 别 - 以耶稣之名 我们祈祷 -No! -In jesus' name, we pray.
- 阿门 - 阿们 -Amen. -Amen.
- 阿门 - 你做到了 -Amen! -You did it!
- 真棒 Morty - 架架 Way to go, Morty! Crossy.
圣经蜥蜴 你们来啦 Bible-saurus. You made it.
我们可绝对不能错过这个呀 We wouldn't miss this for anything!
说得没错 芹菜先生 You said it, mr. Celery.
这他妈都是什么鬼 What the fuck is all of this?!
这是最伟大的故事 故事之主 Greatest story ever told, story lord.
不 不是的 这太垃圾了 No, it's not. It's awful!
请你再说一遍 I beg your pardon?
我靠 Goddamn.
我的天 我的神 my lord and my god!
-不 不 这里太烂了 - 我们赶快他妈离开这里 走 快 -No! No! It sucks in here. -Let's get the fuck outta here. Go, now.
啊 我们安全了 Morty Ugh. We're safe, Morty.
没人想看那种鬼东西 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit.
故 故事之主会怎么样? Wh-what's gonna happen to story lord?
他搞不好要在所有作家的地狱里熬到永恒 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell --
- 也就是圣经里 - 不好说诶 有些人还真喜欢这种东西 The bible. I don't know. Some people actually like that stuff.
看起来有点愤世嫉俗 Seems kind of cynical.
我只是不喜欢烂招 你懂吗 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know?
烂招 Morty 我们完完全全是被耶稣救了 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally saved by jesus christ.
你说说 这哪里冒犯了 Tell me in any way how that's offensive.
这虽然有点迷惑 This was a little confusing,
但可能这个拉近了我们的关系 不是吗 but I guess it brought us closer together, you know?
考验了我们的心魔 Tested our demons.
让我们更加相信自己 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever.
对咯 你说的对 Morty Yeah. You're right, Morty.
我们总算把那些meta和官方盖章的破事讲完了 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way
现在我们可以做自己了 and now we can just be ourselves.
现在我们来把这辆火车 Now what do you say we bring this train
开进车站吧 into the station.
我操 Oh, shit.
你觉得咋样 So what do you think?
哇 你从哪里弄来这个东西的 Wow. Where did you get this thing?
瑞城的礼品店 The citadel of Ricks gift shop.
你真的喜欢这个吗 我觉得你根本都不在意 Do you really like it? I didn't think you'd even care.
什么 Morty 不 我爱死了 What? Morty. No. I love it.
你做了最重要的事情 You did the most important thing.
你 你买了些东西 You -- you bought something.
- 什么 - 你买了些东西 What? You bought something.
用钱 天呐 我太爱钱了 Morty With money. God. I love money so much, Morty.
- 你在讽刺我吗 - 购物 Morty Are you being sarcastic? Merchandise, Morty.
你人生的唯一目标就是买买买和消耗商品 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise.
你做到了 你去了个商店 And you did it. You went into a store --
一个真真正正的商店 然后你买了些东西 An actual honest to god store -- and you bought something.
你没有问问题 或者提出道德上的抱怨 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints.
你 你就直视着资本主义的獠牙 You -- you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws
然后说 “是的 爸爸 来吧” of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please."
所以我 我为你感到骄傲 And I'm... I'm so proud of you.
我只希望你能买多一点 I only wish you could've bought more.
我 我太爱买东西了 Morty I -- I love buying things so much, Morty.
Rick 你 你是不是 Rick, are -- are you --
你要不要去趟医院 Do you need to go to the hospital?
我爱你 Morty 来给姥爷一个吻 I love you, Morty. Give grandpa a kiss.
来 来 来给 给姥爷一个吻 Give -- give -- gimme -- give grandpa a kiss.
你可以亲嘴巴 Lips if you want.
亲哪都行 看你怎么舒服 What-- whatever you're comfortable with.
有些文化里就这么做 Some cultures do that.
你真好 谢谢你 That was sweet. Thank you.
我 我爱你 你是我的小伙伴 I -- I love you. You're my little buddy.
好的 Okay.
我们看看跨维度有线电视吧 Let's watch some interdimensional cable.
你的意思是我的父 So you're saying my father
和他的国 and his kingdom...
嗯 是的 都是基于 Well, yes -- it's based on the fusion
一个叫做“野”的苏美尔神 of a Sumerian god named "Ya"
和叫做“火华”的美索不达米亚神的融合 and a Mesopotamian god named "Way."
所以我们现在在一个玩具火车里吗 And we're in a toy train?
对 Yes.
真是让人怀疑万物的存在性了 对吧 It's enough to really make you question all of existence, isn't it?
那你会怎么做呢 So what do you think you're gonna do about it?
我会做我一直做的 I'm gonna do what I've always done.
我会他妈的离开这里 I'm gonna get the fuck outta here.
万千预兆之父啊 请赐我超越视界之血 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight!
喂 怎么回事 Morty Hey, what the fuck Morty?
你买的小火车刚自己脱了轨 The train you got me just completely derailed itself.
上面的窗户涂满了血 There's blood all over the windows on it.
噢 很抱歉 Rick 我拿去退了吧 Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick. I guess I'll return it.
退了 你疯了吗 Return -- are you insane?
你没听到我刚说的吗 Did you hear nothing I said?
再买一个 Morty Buy another one, Morty.
消费 Morty Consume, Morty.
因为这傻逼病毒没人他妈的出门购物了 Nobody's out there shopping with this fucking virus.
你钱包他妈去哪了? Where's your fucking wallet?!
对那单调的冒险 Tired of the same boring adventures
和你狗屎般的Morty 感到无聊了吗 with your dogshit Morty?
- 对啊 - 噢 天呐 Yeah! Aw. Geez.
那么准备好体验瑞城的故事小火车吧 Then get ready for the citadel of Rick's story train.
故事小火车 故事小火车 Story train. Story train.
瑞城的故事小火车 The citadel of Rick's story train
装满一车厢一车厢的敌人 爱人 comes with car after car of enemies, lovers,
还有Goomby 全部都和 and Goomby, all grappling with
你的本质缠绕在一起 the nature of who you truly are.
Rick是神 请出示票据 Rick is a god! Tickets please.
哇哦 小心 故事之主来了 Whoa! Watch out! It's story lord!
我去 他好壮 Damn. He's jacked.
醇正的精槽 Pure cum gutter.
当然了 没有《最伟大的故事》的总设计师 And of course, what story would be complete
哪有故事算是完整的 without the engineer of the greatest story ever told.
哇 耶稣 Oh, jesus christ.
我不是来指摘这个世界的 我是来拯救它的 I have come not to judge the world, but to save it.
最棒的是 乐趣永不停 And the best part is, the fun never ends.
多亏了 Rick 独家选集生成器 Thanks to the Rick-patented anthology generator,
你永远不会没有新的故事 you'll never run out of new stories
及听故事的人 and people to tell them.
他们是活的吗 当然是 Are they alive? Of course.
不过他们活不活无关紧要的 But not in any ways that matter.
他们 没有 灵魂 They. Have. No. Souls.
命运 的 木偶 Puppets. Of. Fate.
故事小火车 The story train.
现于瑞城有售 Available now in the citadel of Ricks.
嘲讽地买它 真挚地买它 买它就对了 Buy it ironically. Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.
你不买它也要买它 Not buying it is an act of buying it.
现在就买它 赶紧去查查 是真的 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real.
www.story-train.com Www.Story-train.Com.
就在网上 就在那 买它 买下这个火车 On the internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train.
我们要你买这个火车 We want you to buy the train.